the dance as you know it is dead

more than a month since the last one. here goes nothing


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I distinctly remember telling myself to go clean with the woman who owns the other pair of the ring about it after it's done. How could I not? This was written to be read. It might mean my manhood in a pickle jar ( I am not gifted mind you) but hell, the temptation was too much to pass up. I had to. Now to everyone else whose hackles I would inadvertently raise - @#*(@#!

Everything stemmed from an offhand remark in a conversation while having coffee. My brows furrowed and struggled with the question, have we really become libertines? Aliens in monocycles, are we? With the flame of the quest for the truth burning I set out to accomplish my task. First I had to get all the tools ready. Spiffy black car with a sunroof (according to Bruce Wayne chicks dig cars), check. Credit card, check. Toothpaste and mouthwash, check. Good looks, che---- now wait an effing minute, there was no way I could squirm out of that one. Wait, wait – uh, Charm and Confidence, check. I'll have to try and get through with what I have.

Now where do I start my search? Somewhere safe of course. I found myself connecting to the internet. So nicknamed as “effderck” I went henceforth to get my answers. There were a lot of nice young women on the net, and let me discredit the notion right now, I did not meet one single gay man posing as a woman (they must have their own chatrooms eh?) I quickly found myself earning friends, which was hugely enjoyable since I am an introvert and also because I was conversing with intelligent articulate people.

There were the sprinkling of pervs and hate filled entities of course, but in general the experience was smooth. The topics were varied, from economic to social to entertainment and of course, bedding habits. I said to myself, “Are they outspoken because of the veil of the net?” So on to the next part. I went out to meet my newfound friends. I was shaking while driving to where I would be meeting this “young woman” for coffee, with a thousand questions racing in my head. When we did meet, the butterflies increased a thousandfold. She was a young woman, tall, good looking, smart and was still a student. Didn't her parents teach her not to talk to strangers? Oh yeah, I am a friend. So we get to know each other more over coffee, and I am pleasantly stunned to find that she is as outspoken as she was on the net.

I ask her all sorts of questions, and her brows furrow on some of them, like a person examining something they have found odd. She replies and throws a barrage of her own, and the dance begins. The thirty yearold man and the teenaged libertine. I can just imagine how weird we should have seemed. Looking around, I saw that no one was even noticing. I can't decide which was weirder. She found it interesting that I saved myself for marriage (i.e. No one except my wife had been interested enough), or that I find it extremely awkward to sleep with someone I did not love. She actually laughed at that, and then looked at me like I was some lost puppy. So I found the answers and yes, all the preparations went out of the window, I was way in over my head.

Apparently talking about and having sex was not taboo, and I am still of the opinion she would have given Nancy Friday a run for her money. They still had rules, and those rules are way, way more lax than what our society leads us to believe. Don't get me wrong though, it is still a choice. She makes the choice if, when and whom. But she and most of those I had talked to aren't too afraid of the fire and brimstone hullaballoo like us of the previous generation. A lot of it stems from the staggering amount of information the generation has access to.

In the end I got tested. Maybe the thought of corrupting someone older was enough to overlook my lack of good looks. Maybe the idea of opening me up and stripping me of my so-called inhibitions? Or it may be as simple as showing me it is okay? I took a raincheck each time and got a soft shake of the head in return. And a smile. Whoever thought a man would say no eh? I kind of thought I was wild for my generation.

I still talk to her and see her occasionally, and that holds true for most of the people I have met. I do not know what I feel but it is certain that we need to have a reckoning and stop being hypocrites. About ourselves and about our society. On the outside looking in, it looks like you're with a conservative bunch of people, and that the church is holding sway. Once you step into the circle, it is an entirely different ballgame altogether. Now excuse me while I go and explain matters to my boss.